ORACLE AND THE ORIFICE … Punters seek out the mysterious voice behind the hole in the wall. That’s their car, Fish Head in the background. Beat that, Monument box office!
The best-kept ticket buying secret in town is a little drive-through office in Fiddler’s Green.
There is one lonely, frozen woman on her cellphone sitting in a red-brick mausoleum (the old ticket office) behind a window which is barred on the outside with a cardboard interface on the inside between you and her.
Using telepathy you give her your ticket requisition. Payment is done around the back, negotiating the cow pats, at the backdoor … at the security gate bars through which she thrusts the card machine.
Once you have punched in your secret code, you go back round to the cardboard-barred window through which she gives you your tickets.
Meanwhile, your life partner has bought many mini-doughnuts from the fairground caravan where again, there is no queue!
Voila, festival is a-grazing!