EXPOSED: Secret drive-in ticket office ditches tech for telepathy


ORACLE AND THE ORIFICE … Punters seek out the mysterious voice behind the hole in the wall. That’s their car, Fish Head in the background. Beat that, Monument box office!

The best-kept ticket buying secret in town is a little drive-through office in Fiddler’s Green.

There is one lonely, frozen woman on her cellphone sitting in a red-brick mausoleum (the old ticket office) behind a window which is barred on the outside with a cardboard interface on the inside between you and her.

Using telepathy you give her your ticket requisition. Payment is done around the back, negotiating the cow pats, at the backdoor … at the security gate bars through which she thrusts the card machine.

Once you have punched in your secret code, you go back round to the cardboard-barred window through which she gives you your tickets.

Meanwhile, your life partner has bought many mini-doughnuts from the fairground caravan where again, there is no queue!

Voila, festival is a-grazing!


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