Bitchin’ in the Kitchin’: The 2018 #sorrynotsorry awards and one-liners

Critters Steve, Sarah, and Mike.

The Critter #sorrynotsorry Awards

The media award award goes to … actually where is the media?

The Fluffer Award – Gaslight. Oh, no, sorry, Spotlight.

The Vrot Apple Award – The Critter

Settlers Resettled Award – Village Green.

The All Dressed Up and Going Nowhere Award –  La Chair de Ma Chair

Shup-Shup Award – J Bobs Live

1820 Settlers Award – white woman walking her dog tells The Walk cast members who are digging a tiny hole for their Checkers My Little Garden seeds, “This land belongs to the people of Grahamstown not the National Arts Festival.” Trigger. Boef! Rat-a-tat-tat.

Lighting award – Makana Municipality. Only one day of intermittent power outages during a gale! 10 days of amazing electricity. Now for festival and power 365 days a year!

Ecoli ward – Makana muni, though the jury is still out. But few festinoes drank from the tap.

Dissertation Award –Sheena’s Standard for a 1600 word treatise on how to stage Curl Up and Dye.

Raglan Road Roundabout Award – NGK Kerk hall. More popular than The Edge, Guy Butler and Tops

Hungry Media Award – Not the NAF goody bags – where are the two-minute noodles? And where are the arts journalists?

Meet The Bakkies Award – Kingswood circle, where all the farmers park like they farm it.

Happiest Festino Award – busloads of young audience members who express their appreciation by toyi-toying up the road. Ama Get Down!

Sticking in the rigging award – Jungfrau, knitters united! (Knitwear malfunction lands Critter in a knot)

One line reviews

Alphonse: Should have been a short story. A very short story. Lara Bye was weeping.

Silkworm: Drop the sad sentimental piano.

Curl up and dye: Ding dong door drives us mad.

That Alpaca Show: It’s got Rosa.

Theatre in the Backyard’s Is He Mad:  Artaud in the Township. Finally!

Last Raiders of the lost Crusade: Stockholm Syndrome.

Ududana: Smell of cowshit was sublime.

Selwyn and Gabriel: Line, line and fucking line again. Considered for the White Salvation Award.

James Phillips movie The Fun’s Not Over: White people remembering their crazy politically incorrect contribution to bringing down a violent regime.

So long and thanks for the fishwrap. See you next year.

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