Bitchin’ in the Kitchen: The Ovulation Awards

One liners and comments

Moonless: 99 red balloons meaninglessly invade the set. Shoot them down!

The Gospel According to Jan Coetzee: Matthew, Mark, Luke and Jan: Afrikaner wannabe Prophet, betrayed by his volk because he is too inclusive in his ministry of a freedom to doubt during Afrikaner Calvinism: Reza de Wet does Raiders (so many masterfully managed props.)

SA Media bunker: You stayed at home, missing the most dramatic media brunch ever. Brought the house down, almost.

Lies, lies and delightful propaganda: Lankester to the shocked media brunchers: “It’s performance art! (And nobody died).

Shortest review: The three-audience responses to It’s a Guy Thing: “It was shit.”

Still: Actor, plunged into darkness after taking too long to deliver  lines, bleats the last one into the abyss: “I love you!”

Kookalooks: Brendan and his friend come up with a killer marketing plan. An arrow through the top of the head.

Frogman: Australian version of a platana.

Umthombo: Paris fashion week eat your heart out – Share your secrets on how to fundraise.

Ja magazine called Critter “the old guard” but apologised for being ageist whippersnappers.

Metamorphosis: Life is long and painful enough; the show doses not have to be.

Samson: Audience split of Biblical proportions. Book of Brett.

Awards time!

National Research Foundation Award goes to Cellist with Rabies.

Climate chaos award: The Monument, for giving us a taste of the coming destruction of civilization as wind brings the roof down.

Paranoia award: Swarm Theory. Traffic officers had to be persuaded not to mace the actors which would have brought a sudden end to days, months, a lifetime of theoretical discussion. When it happened at the Village Green, umlungu festinoes thought the apocalypse had landed.

What Euros can buy award: Wanderer. Money lost in the frozen wasteland.

No need to worry award: I am Somebody – everyone loved you.

Jy’s cooler as ekka award, for a few 13-year-olds: No matter how rad or mind-blowing the show, you are still too cool to look up from your cellphone. That’s why you were seen on that big screen looking lame while everyone around you was rocking! It’s okay, we were there too, once.

Future imperfect award: Ersatz, or, the Descent of Man. The future man, half cyborg, living through a gaming virtual reality of violent destruction to finding a sweet, tender hominid in his paleontologist-described history. Great show.

Critter, leering at the Sunday programme, says: “Farewell to 10 days of amazing.”

Love ya.




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